So Christmas is fast approaching and as it does so do the childcare arrangements. This Christmas is my first without T at home for Christmas eve as I spoke about in Sharing Childcare at Christmas and now it seems the virtual pulling and tugging of her has started. With the same week booked off every year we both want her to spend time at ours and enjoy all her new gifts but constant back and forth is no good for her so it’s about finding that middle ground.
Hence the title of this post as this time of year most of my conversations with her Father are through gritted teeth. Do I want to share her? No! Do I have to? Yes is the simple answer. There is no reason not to because he deserves to spend time with her just as much as I do and she deserves to see both families but this time of year all I want to do is shut the door and keep her all to myself, well I could do that all year but especially at Christmas.
Don’t get me wrong arrangements are not made difficult because ultimately we both just want T to be happy but as I’m a creature of habit and thrive from routine and structure this battle over time every year is not easy. I love to know where I’m at and what is happening and when plans are changed last minute I am not the cool cucumber my husband is so the tugging and pulling of T through this Christmas period always leaves me sighing. When will it end? When will she be old enough to her make her own choices who she sees on what day? What age is fair to give her that responsibility? My step son Louis is nearly 17 and has been making these choices for a couple of years now, do I have to wait 7,8 more years? Am I just being selfish and should I just agree to more time away in the short 2 weeks they have off from school? Or is it right to go back and forth throughout the Christmas period so everyone gets a turn with her? This subject most definitely tests my coping strategy I mentioned in Keeping it together!