So today was a particularly testing day the office and it got me thinking, what do I want to do when I grow up? I mean I am a grown up but I often don’t really feel like I have a career. I fell into this job by accident, I work in a call centre and 6 months after starting there I was given the job of training someone new. It just carried on from there and I’ve been training for nearly 6 years now. Mostly I enjoy it, its a challenge getting given this blank canvas and by the time you have finished with it, it knows how to do a job which you taught it to do. There is satisfaction. Then there is the building a bond part, I like that I have the first week or two with the new members of staff, I get to show them around, introduce them to people, and help them feel at ease in their new job. This often means I still talk to people even when they move off to different departments because I was the first person they met on day 1 at their new job. I like that.
Then there are the downsides, you have to repeat yourself a lot with the high turnover that we have so I don’t just meet a few new people, I meet a lot. This is fine but the subject matter stays the same, I have read these same slides a million times and only show them on the screen for the benefit of the new person now. This is manageable as I like consistency and thrive when i’m confident in myself and what I’m doing but by the end of the week I am always sick of the sound of my own voice. I often wonder if other professions get the same, teachers, hairdressers, anyone else that talks about the same thing all day must feel this way too. Another downside is not everyone gets my training. Now what I do isnt rocket science, it really isnt and I am a very patient person, (at work), but some people you can give all the training in the world to and it just doesn’t sink in. I used to take this as a personal failure and spend as long as was allowed to with this person but these days I have more staff and less time so cant afford that luxury. I do think there is a job suited to everyone out there, some people just arent suited to this.
So back to today and I started to find myself daydreaming about what I would really like to do with my life, while I was waiting for this poor person to finish the task I had set them, again. This is a job I do because its works for me. I have flexible hours, good pay and I work with some decent people but I didnt grow up wanting to be a staff trainer in a call centre, its not my lifes ambition.
So did I actually have a lifes ambition I begin to wonder, I’ve always loved history and wanted to be an archaeologist until I realised there wasnt much work and it would involve a lot of digging in the ground, my parents were great at reminding me how much I hated spiders. Before this job I worked in a childrens home for vulnerable young women, this is a job I will never forget, these girls had experienced the worst of life to get where they were and had such deep seeded issues they were extremely hard to get through to in many ways. That said when I wasnt being attacked or injured I loved this job. There were days when I really felt like I had got through to some of the girls and we would work on things and they would smile and life was good. Unfortunately the bad outweighed the good and I left this because I couldnt cope with the injuries I received on a regular basis and looking after a small child at home. This isnt to say I wouldn’t go back to something like this in the future just maybe not such an extreme setting. Some of those girls faces and stories will never leave me, the good and bad, and in some small ways I hope I made a difference to their lives. I think I want a job where I feel I am making a difference again. Not just churning out yet another employee that will only leave within a few months anyway for greener grass.
One day when I dont need the flexibility and security this job gives me, when T is older and doesnt need me so much, I might be able to look for something where I can make a difference. For now I feel like I need a project, something I can be proud of, make a mark on, to get my teeth into, but where to go from here. Who knows? Volunteering? I dont know where to even start.