Ever feel like you are searching? Searching for that place that you just fit into? Your ‘thing’. That thing that people can identify you by when they talk about you. I feel like I’ve been searching for that thing a long time. I think motherhood is that thing really but unfortunely I have to share my beautiful T or I wouldn’t be writing this.
I love planning things for us to do, having friends over for her, baking, walking the dog or having a rainy day in and watching a film in the evening. I love seeing her happy and flourish in something, most recently being our workouts with the difference in both our fitness in just one month being amazing. But she isn’t here all the time, and when she is gone what do I do? Well with the weather too cold and wet most of the time long walks have been out of the question lately.
Last year I joined a walking group on a Friday from March till August I went regularly and loved walking 3 to 4 miles every week with a group of lovely people. Sadly I started to work more and more Fridays and so lost the chance to be able to do this. I do intend to take longer walks again once the evenings are lighter and the weather not so bite your face off cold.
So for now I read; I have got back into reading since getting three books for Christmas and am really enjoying it. I’m currently reading The Hobbit, something I once read as a teenager but now am really enjoying again as a huge fan of the films. I’m planning a little community library in the shed next to my house for my street to use I just need to get it slightly clear so I can fit a small table in there with some books and bookends on. Oh and pluck up the confidence to put a note through my neighbours doors to tell them what I’ve done, there is no way I’m doing this face to face!
I also watch the Six Nations rugby when it is on so that will keep my Saturdays a little busier for the next few weeks, would be nice to watch it with someone though.
Yes I do have friends but weekends are family time and I can’t expect people with families to want to socialise with someone that is lacking a child. Friends without children tend to work weekends and are also part of couples, something else I lack on weekends due to my husband’s work.
So like I did last year I’ve started searching again. I searched for the walking group and really enjoyed it for a few months but it had to come to an end and now I’m looking for something to fill my Saturdays with. So as sad as it sounds I’ve been looking online but it’s not easy searching when you don’t exactly know what you want to do.
I want to be a Mummy 24/7 but since I can’t do that I’ve been searching for reading groups, not that any seem to meet on a Saturday. I maybe need to visit my local library again, with T getting a load of books for Christmas we haven’t had the need to go but maybe I need to think about me for once and not her all the time.
Searching is tough when there is one thing you want to do but can’t, trying to find a substitute to fill your time isn’t easy. Plus new people are always scary, but I would go to a club, I want to meet new people, I just can’t seem to find anyone.
So today I’m going to be doing a few jobs, probably writing another post later, walking Poppy and then watching the rugby. Oh and reading in our reading nook.
Have a lovely Saturday everyone,