As we approach December I find myself starting look back on my family relationships during the year. Let’s face it families aren’t perfect wherever you are in the world and I’m sure mine have less problems than most but that doesn’t stop me trying. Trying to create the ‘perfect family relationships’. If there even is such a thing. All I know is another year has passed and I find myself no closer to that family bond I feel like I’ve been searching for forever.
Ok with my sister in New York and my brother in Japan I don’t expect to be going round for tea every week, I would just like to be in touch more. As it is at the moment the only contact we have now is through Instagram, which I only installed so I could keep up with their lives as they are both too busy to message occasionally to see how we are. I understand everyone is busy and I have to admit I’ve even given up slightly this year on my sister’s side because it’s always so hard to get a response or a conversation going when I do message, it’s easier to just not message and then I won’t be disappointed when I don’t get the response I was after. My brother I made a big effort with before he went off to Japan and was in contact regularly, went to visit him and contacted him regularly through his first few days and weeks just to check in but still he was a day late saying Happy birthday to me.
I feel like he will go the same way, I will end up not messaging so I don’t get disappointed.
Closer to home my extended family is still something I’m struggling to feel like I belong in. I think at the start of Scott and my relationship I made a massive effort and had playdates, coffee catch ups etc. As time has gone on it has felt like no one else really wanted to make this effort so I stepped back slightly. I feel like they have a lot in common with each other that I’m not a part of, they have been family for a lot longer than I have been we are talking over 10 years here compared to my 4, but I feel like this year I’ve felt more on the outside than ever.
I guess this is a continual process that will hopefully grow as my years in the family grow, for now I’m left feeling almost nervous when we do meet up because I just dont have the closeness they have.
When it comes to my immediate family my relationship with my mother continues to be up and down as it always has been. The fact is we are different people and have completely different ways of thinking, she would never think to make herself available for my daughter’s birthday party wheras when I am a lucky enough to have a grandchild I will be the first one in line at their party, and any single time grandparents are invited into school you just think about stopping me! Once again I never give up trying, asking for these things but always end up disappointed when they don’t happen.
My Nan is my rock,my closest family member. We talk all the time and she knows everything about me, she knows when T has a parents evening or I have the orthodontist, she knows how hard Scott and I work and how we always put everyone else before ourselves hence why money is often tight. She doesn’t use this against us and sees us for who we are, always being there, without judgement, with unconditional love for all of us.
I don’t know how many more years I will go on wishing my family bonds were closer but I know it’s been years so far and still the relationships remain the same. All I can do is show T myself how close a family unit should be and hopefully when she grows up we I will finally have my close family unit I’ve always wanted.
Thanks for reading
So for the last 4 days we have had my sister staying with us from New York, now we haven’t seen her since January because her Visa was such that she couldn’t leave the country once she was there so it was really good to just spend time and catch up! Being away for so long meant she was able to see everything we had done on social media but she missed out on the being there at occasions, she was unable to come to our wedding and she just didn’t know the day to day things we get upto. After just spending those few days with her I have seen the relationship between her and T blossom and grow once again as it always does when they spend time with each other. She has seen T on her new scooter, been to her school, played board games with her, watched her ride this morning and seen the bond between her and Poppy our puppy. Now the time came when she had to leave today to get yet another visa for 18 months and go back to NY and I was sad for T as she realised once she had left that she missed her. She is fine now but I would love something cheap and easy to be able to do to keep this relationship going between T and her Auntie Tasha, maybe this is not an easy thing considering the distance and the fact that once Tasha gets back to NY she will be pretty busy with her new job. Maybe a picture once a fortnight by email? A joke? A story they could write together? Ideas would be welcome!
My sister leaving meant my brother came to pick her up along with my Mum and we actually were able to all have a photo together! It’s not often we are all in the same place at the same time so was really nice and T even got herself a big hug from my brother when he left which again was so nice to see as him being away at uni and in 6 months time leaving to go to Japan for a year they don’t get to see each other much either!
All in all today and the last few days has reminded me that my family is my family whether they are here every day or not what matters is how you spend the time with them and what you make of it. We may not be the closest family in the world especially not by distance but they are my family and I wouldn’t change them.
So today I have managed my pain relief much better and it has worked out a better day. Work passed uneventfully with soup and a shake and this evening I helped T finish her homework project and then washed and dried her hair. This is something I’ve loved to do since it started to grow long. Tonight she looked like Rapunzel, there is no other word for it, I’m totally in love with her beautiful hair and won’t ever let her cut it!
After bath time I wrapped presents then curled up with a peppermint tea after a recommendation from a friend.
I think it’s fair to say I still have a way to go but I may have turned a very small corner.
So my little girl is 6 and is lucky to have some very good friends. One of those very good friends she has had to sleep over tonight. Once she arrived it was talking at 100 mph, giggles, hugs and excitement like I’ve never seen. Plans were made and beds were laid out. Mid night snacks were discussed and beds were jumped on. With this amount of energy it was time to take Poppy for a walk.
After our walk the play room was decorated for Halloween and then it was pj time. There were snacks and drinks while secrets were written in diaries and then giggling and talking until I started to get sleepy!
All this makes me so happy.
My little girl doesn’t have a sister but this is probably the closest she will ever have to one and it makes my heart melt. The innocent fun of these two beautiful little girls is just simply what happiness is made 0f. Bonds like this are rarely broken and it’s my hope that this friendship remains long into their lives because they are both so similar in their interests and qualities they are like carbon copies of each other in many ways. Never a cross word between them and always thinking of each other they really are two selfless little humans and I can’t wait until they wake up to the surprise in the morning that we are taking them to see Trolls as a treat.
Send ear plugs for when I tell the little darlings please! 😊